Ooops

I am so sorry here, I was playing around with the format of my blog and, believe me when I tell you this- I accidentally changed it..

Its meant sheer calamity- the lovely colour scheme I had has gone (Cadburys Caramel fans will be gutted)

I've lost my counter (I was nearly on 1000!!)

I've lost all of my precious links to all of you lovelies...

And my comments.. all lost...

All lost foerever, in a heartbeat, somewhere in cyberspace..

I'll sort it out however.. NEVER FEAR!

(Yes, I'll have comments on there soon so that you can call me a great big fuckwit as well)

Is it me?

Excuse me for saying this, but is it me or is it too hot to blog?

I'm roasting at the moment and can't find much time to blog because I've been stuck down a freezer all day. It annoying but I have to do it in order to survive. The bonobo monkey cannot live in temperatures much above 'lukewarm'.

No seriously folks, its been a busy old time up here, making plans, hatching plans, laying plans, hatching eggs, laying tables, making cakes, you know.. BUSY like.

Trying to sort out where the fack to live is one thing, one tiny little thing that could make or break our journies to work every day, there and back so we (me and me girl incase you didn't know) must choose carefully.

The jobs have been sorted (SEE PREVIOUS BLOG WITH RELIEVED BABY), but one more headache has been brought unto my attention. Over the weekend I went and visited Mr. Pencil for the Eurovision Thong Contest, and just as I was getting near his house my car started making odd non- car like noises.

'Sweet suffering fuck' I thought, 150 miles away from home.

I let it go, thought maybe it was just the heat getting to it. You know, how cars get really ratty and tired in the scorching heats just like us human beans?

I thought my car was feeling like that, because, you know, you would when you have no understanding of the mechanics of what makes these horseless carriages move in the first place.

After the party and feeling close to as bad as I've ever felt (...after a night of drinking much beer in my clothes in a bath full of cans of beer with Mr. Crumb initially against my will and then soon finding it the most liberating experience I'd had all May...) I made my merry way home. The car started fine and then, once I hit 40 mph, it began to shudder and shudder it did. Really bad. The passenger seat beside me looked like an epileptic, the back window looked like an earthquake was happening behind me. It was serious, but as long as I kept under 40 mph, I'd be fine.

Reading to Worcester usually takes an hour and 20.. Thats providing your car works properly i.e. moves from time to time.

It took me over 3 hours, in the baking heat, avoiding all motorways and going through thousands of small lovely looking villages with so many temporary traffic lights you simply wouldn't believe me, plus I was feeling thirsty, hungry and tired...

It was an endurance test but I made it back (I've actually forgotten the last 50 or so miles because of sheer trauma)..

Result: I need a new car, I'm sorry but my old one is officially going the way of all cars so... I may as well get a new one. eh?

Sweet Blessed Relief

Oh my god...

It's all going to be ok.. Finally... You don't know how long I've been waiting for this to happen...

That's right, I...


got...





meself....















a...........





JOB!!!!!

Yes! Yes! Yes and yes again! I can't go into it for reasons that cannot be fully explained at present (Its fine, trust me), but I secured a job yesterday and today, my girlfriend ALSO got a job! How lovely is that!?!? I'm over the moon I really frickin' am! Its like a huge weight, like a lead weight, no.. a concrete weight lifted off me... Now I know where to work, I now know where I need to find a place to live..

Details to follow soon...

Ahhhhhh........



Above: Sweet relief all round!

Interviews 2 Bonobo 0

Didn't get it in the end.

Strangely for me but feeling a bit low, and a bit like someone's kicked me square in the balls, laughed at me and then ran away (Whilst interviewing me at the same time).

Wonder if I'll ever get a job and wonder what is wrong with me... (Is it the giant polar bear I take with me everywhere? Maybe that puts them off me coming across as a person, I don't know...)

Rats.

Shit.

..Er, ratshit.



Above: A semi- disillusioned Bonobo monkey worrying about the state of future employment in his cage.

My poor head

I've got so much to do its really unreal. Things were going fine until tonight... Now I have to prepare for an interview for Friday! A school in Kidderminster phoned me up and said they wanted me to come for an interview!

Great!- But also means its adds to the piling list of work already in front of me..

Aww bum... My head hurts from looking at a computer monitor all day- and this blog ain't helping me...

Also its my mum and dad's 20th wedding anniversary today! This means it was exactly 20 years ago today (when Sgt Pepper taught the band to play) that I was a wee 7 year old, sitting on my Uncles knee at the registry office bawling my eyes out because I thought my mum was going to leave me for this strange new man who had a different surname to the one I was used to.

Funny how we see things when we're kids eh? Well, anyway it all turned out wine and roses in the end and after 20 years faithful service to each other I gave them the present I'd bought in Brighton- a handpainted ostrich egg.

Yeeeah, do I know how to party or do I know how to party?

(I think you'll find the answer to be no anyway.)

Alex Papps

Above: Alex Papps

Remember this aussie beauty? Whatever happened to him? Did he slip in that tv bin alongside 'The Sullivans'? and 'Albion Market'?

(This post originates from the holiday Crumb and me had in Newquay where we ended up talking about euphemisms for boobs and the like. Crumb said 'Paps' and I thought this was funny and then remembered this dude here.)

..Just a thought anyway...

Other news making it big this week

- Jammed again with my teeny boppers. Didn't break a chair this time whilst playing the piano and managed to keep time too. Tried to play the drums but it was like playing in a cockpit designed for a baby chimp. Decided drums aren't for me. The band are getting better and I'm teaching them how to play Staple Beginner Song No.3 House of the Rising Sun. Soon be selling out stadiums across the UK, just you watch.

- Off to Brighton this weekend with the lady. Never been before- is it ok? I'm assured its a lovely place, hey its by the sea! What could go wrong?

- Sent off more teaching application forms and lo and behold there's a post opened up at the school I'm in at the moment... the problem is I'll be competing with my girlfriend for the job! Oh deary me!

(I'll let her tyres down on the day of the interview..! Ha!)


Above: Bonobo and his hairy pal letting down tyres and other criminal stuff

(..Fuck, we share the car..)