Redundant Time

"Time Waits for (Gary) Numan" as the proverb goes...

I've been thinking long and hard about sections in your life where you seem to just lose amounts of time through little fault of your own. Ok, to illustrate, I've made a quick top 5.

Top 5 pieces of 'lost time'.

(1) On the toilet.- Ok, it's a classic time waster. You could have spent it in a more productive fashion but instead, well, sitting and shitting seem to go together don't they?

(2) In a car whilst someone fills up with petrol- You wait for them to leave the car, they leave, fill up the car with whatever fuel and then, before going into pay for it, come back to the car and ask you if you want anything.

"Hurry up" is what you should say.

(3) Automated phone lines- You can grow beards, plan weddings and build steamer ships in the time it takes to press Option 3- option 7, press * etc and then wait an eternity for a human being to speak to you.

(4) Clothes shops- Waiting for your other half to go into their desired shop, find the right type of garb they want, then pick 3 more clothes similar to it and try it on. What do you do in the meantime? If only you'd planned ahead (And I'm not pointing the finger at anyone here, we have all done it from time to time. Come on.)

(5) Microwaves- You unpeel the cardboard wrapper, pierce the holes with a fork (But lets face it, you usually only have a set of keys to hand. They'll do.) and then blast the living twat out of it for 3 minutes. But already the microwave has dictated the amount of time to be stolen from your own personal timeline. The same can be said for grilling toast and (god help us), pot noodles.

(Optional 6- This list. I'm sorry.)

Snow fun being a teacher...

Well, I said I was going away, and I did. On Wednesday I travelled with my significant other (Jules- yes I'm sure you know her) to Worcester. The weather was fine, cold but ok. The evening had obviously got dark a lot quicker because that's what happens around this time of year.

We were on the M5, just below M5 with Jules driving, when I looked up at the left hand section of the twilight sky. Now, this was like something out of a disaster movie. The sky became EVEN DARKER. You know when you see squids squirt ink underwater? Well, that was how the sky looked like, as if the whole atmosphere was dissolving into blackness. It was very scary and I said to Jules to take a look at this phenomena. She did, and she gave the same kind of response I did (Along the lines of "Shit."). Then, straightaway, it began pelting it down with snow. And within seconds the whole motorway had ground to a crawl and it added an extra hour and thirty to a journey that should only take 50 odd minutes.

Jesus Christ I thought, once we got to my folks in Worcester, thank the lord we're safe. And we both got a lovely welcome by my parents, my Aunt Nicky who's in from New York for a few weeks and my other Aunt and Uncle with their new baby boy Adam (See previous entry on "Babies") Good food, good company and I got Adam to smile at me. It was lovely. Got a bit drunk too, which is always good when preparing to visit a school the next day. I'd never been to thius school before, indeed, I'd never journeyed into Hereford. where this academic institution is located, so, it was important to make an early start the next morning, to get there at 8.30am.

At 9 in the morning I got up and decided we'd blame the weather, which is a fair excuse, because it was pretty harsh. All the roads nearby were plastered in ice and we didn't set off until around 10. And even then we had to find our way to the feckin' school.

Once there (11am, and after many convoluted apologies), we were shown around the whole campus and do you know what? I think I'm really going to enjoy it there. Good vibes about the whole thing. The staff were great, the pupils were top. As it had been snowing all pupils were taking part in snowballing which I was sorely tempted to take part in, but resisted to carry on my tour of the school. Each student was very politeto us, even the feisty talkative kids apologised after staff told them to shutdafacap. Cool.
Good facilities, a great music department, the best school meals you've ever seen (and tasted) and a scenic backdrop of Welsh hills. Ah, clean air... I can see myself having a great time there, plus I'll be staying at my folks which will be just lovely.

At the same time as sorting out this placement, I'm applying for a full time teaching post,... somewhere.... This is a very unsure time at this..time because who knows where I'll be next year. I may have to move... it depends where I want to be geographically, where Jules wants to be and where we can both get a decent job (All teaching jobs are decent...). I'd like to think I could stay in the South West after all its the home of cider, in breeding and Dave Prowse. But I don't mind the North West either having practically grown up there. Decisions, decisions. I suppose I should just wait until the RIGHT thing happens at the RIGHT time. And moving to and teaching in or around London?- fawgit it!

I'm not going to Norwich though. I'm sorry but I'm not. You can drag me there, kicking and screaming and I'll fight tooth and nail to get the hell out of there as quickly and as effectively as is possible. Norwich scares me, beleive me, if ever there's armageddon watch the East my friends, keep a beady eye on our Nor- Folks...


Second Secondary School Sorted Substantially

Thursday will be the official start of my second placement at a secondary school. I won't be there full time yet. But it will be an induction day so I can take a good look around, check out everything and son on. My housemate Gus has already been there for his first placement and he said by all accounts it was good.

I'm going there with my girlfriend because she'll be at the same placement. This second placement will last for 3 months. We've never spent so long together, but I'm sure we'll be fine. Firstly we'll be staying at my parents so there's plenty of space plus it will be good to share work, good practice in working in a school etc. I'm looking forward to it.

The school want us there at 8.30am on Thursday, so we need to stay at my folks (20 or so miles from the school) or we'd have to set off from Bristol at midnight. Ok, I have to go, clean my shoes, clean my teeth and clean me ol' whistle. Wish us luck.

See ya'll Friday.


Only in Dreams

I forgot to say in my last entry, I remembered my dream from last night.

I had dreamt that I had seen Star Wars 3: As yet untitled.

Now, a lot is riding on this film because it links the classic Star Wars films with the not-so-classic Star Wars films, so it has to be something very very special. It seemed very long and was full of "lazers", "lightsabres" (c) Lucasfilm Ltd. and hairy wookies. Not to mention loads of spaceships in space. However, it was, in hindsight, absolute shit.

It made no sense. No plot. No plot and no plot (Quite realistic if the truth be told).

Does this means my plot- writing facility is not up to par whilst I'm subconscious? I hope so, because if ever the unknown actually made sense to me, I'd be worried. Thats the point of having a sleeping mind. It shouldn't make much sense at the best of times. Its a place where all those ideas, images and feelings slink off to to when the sun goes down. A little night club where all the weirdness in your life hangs out and has a party, shows it in the form of a movie, and you've got the front row seats every night.

But enough of the unknown.

I had another beauty of a dream a few weeks before which I had to write down because quite frankly, it was fucking stupid. Lets just say it was about a Medieval warrior/ king with a guitar in place of a sword and who slayed dragons, witches, orcs, anything wearing lycra etc through the power of music. It had a 'Krull' kind of feeling about it and I could imagine the soundtrack being composed by Brian May and Ronnie Hazlehurst.

Silly, yet I'm glad I dreamt it.

Great Ass Embly

Today I went into a secondary school. This happens every Tuesday. I have to this as I'm a student teacher, as do a number of other wannabeteachers. I find it helps my subject knowledge as well as giving me tips on classroom management, tips on assessment and progression of differing abilities of students and gives a positive impression of how the staff are and their relation to each other and to the students.

If I went to a chip shop and asked to see how their OfSTED reports went last year, I'd get hot fat poured over me and then get asked to leave. Therefore going to a secondary school is a good and logical step for me to take.

Our group have been asked to compile an assembly to be given to a whole year 7. The theme was based upon 'Teamwork'. So, with the brief set I went to work.

"Teamwork, teamwork, teamwork... There is no 'I' in teamwork.. hmmm.." I toiled for ages, thought about what kind of demonstrations I could do to entertain and inform the kids with. Could I make a 10 minute assembly interesting, would the kids like it? Would I like it? Fuck!- this was harder than I'd originally thought. Maybe I should just drop the whole damn thing and give someone else, with a bit of nouse a go.

And then it came to me...

The next day (Today) I came into school and showed everyone what I'd been planning for the assembly.

"That's really good Rob, well done."

"We all owe you a pint."


I received nuff praise from everyone involved and I took it all in smiling from ear to ear. They had all been very impressed with the work I'd presented to them. My girlfriend Jules also on my course has to go to school every Tuesday, many miles away, yet she undertook her assembly last week, and that went down a storm with the students and teachers alike. Its funny how... mine went down a storm too... I wonder..

They're both.... I..

I.. wonder..

Oh hang on, yeah I copied it.


It's all ok, I've sorted out the

comments section.

Celebrations for all occasions

Firstly, it's getting towards the end of January already. For sweet lord's sake I'm still getting over the New Year (C) shenanigans. I say shenanignas, I meant spending it in Paris stone cold sober which for once, was lovely. It would have spoilt the whole atmosphere to have spent my time drunk in a foreign clime on an important night in the old year/ new year.

Its lovely to see everyone out on New Years, building up the night's ambience to a moment in time when one years becomes another year. I think it would really great if we could place emphasis like this on other chronological events in the year. Say, you get up at 7.20 in the morning to go to work. Wouldn't it be the best damn thing in the world if your bed was surrounded by all your mates, wearing paper hats, bottles of various beers, spirits, glasses of wine, the odd drug and balloons? As soon as the alarm goes off for 7.20, the music yells out from the stereo! Its that Will2K song, its on full blast, your mates all shout "WAAHEEEYYYY!!!"- and you jump up out of bed, stand up in your pyjamas and start moving your hands in slow circles, as if ther both holding huge spoons which are stirring a thick warm soup in front of you.

Thats right! The mornings started! Every morning should be like that, I mean, you could take it turns with other mates, do rotas to go round other mates houses.

Of course, this is fantasy. We don't celebrate 7.20am in the same way we don't celebrate midnight on the 5th of June or 5.30 on a Sunday. No, its a little speck of time, barely tangiable that was thought up thousands of years ago by Romans or Normans or Aztecs- whoever thought up the ideas of dividing night and day in sizeable chunks, calling them Days and the same for evnetually the whole year would never have thought how their work would have made it so that people would be paying up to £100.

Secondly, I can't understand computers at all. Now if you know me well, you'll know I'm currently undertaking a PGCE course in teaching ICT, so I should be king of up to par on these things. But I'm not. I just can't get the comments box to come up on this here site so no-one can talk back to me which is a cwying shame. I will get there, if it takes me all my freakin' life.

Thirdly, babies are the loveliest thing ever. I'm not getting broody but I went over to see my Uncle John and Aunty Babs last night. They have recently started the greatest adventure of their lives by briniging into the world the wonderful Adam, my cuz. They had iinvited over some other friends who also brought their own mini- selves. Well, it was like a nursery, and what a sight to behold! Toys trucks, teddies, mobiles (Yes even babies can check voicemail now), nappies, changing mats and little plastic plates and beakers. I started to play the piano at one point and a little boy called Morgan (2 years) started playing with me. The boy rocked like he was Elton, a regular Pocket Man. His sister Orla was pretty good too, and then we all started singing.

Obviously we were no Emerson, Lake and Palmer but for a nights entertainment it went down well. I said good bye to them later on, both adults and kids alike. And then I left. And I didn't think about the kids again. I still don't think I'm even remotely ready for kids yet. My life is still as fragile and as inconsistent as it was when I was 6 years old, now more than ever. I have to get myself nice and ready, well, fairly ready, as I don't think you can ever truly make yourself set up for the job. A job, that will be left to you and your loved one for pretty much all your life.

- Sorry wrong meeting!-, thats the speech I wrote for the pre- natal class on "Preparing for Fatherhood" at the local leisure centre for next Wednesday.

Kids eh? Coo! Who'd have 'em? Ey? Ey?


I want to attack a taxi with tacky tacks

If you wish to book taxis in future always give them your phone number. This will invariably reduce the chance of the taxi driver turning up 5 minutes before the agreed time of collection and then sod off before you and your party have a chance of getting a lift. In a way, the taxi driver is trying to 'bank' time so that he/ she will always be early for the next appointment. Ok. I understand that, its going to be a busy night and you'll need to be on top of your game. Being early is a good thing. BUt I reckon its also good to be punctual as well, as in be present when asked to be present.

Last night I ordered a taxi for 7.45pm outside the Black Castle pub (It IS a castle, and naturally over the years much care and restoration of this wonderful landmark has resulted in it becoming a Townie Magnet.). At 7.45, myself and others came outside, in the bitter cold I may add to find ourselves alone and sans taxi.

After phoning up the rank, we were given the excuse that he had turned up, and by then it was their word against ours and in the end my girlfriend put the phone down on them. (I wouldn't have had the heart to do that, I'd have just said "Ok then byeee!". But afterwards it left us all extremely disillusioned with the state of public transport in this country.
Trying to get home after a hard night can be such an awful pain in the bum its unreal. But for a taxi to not even fulfill the first part of the evening's contract really does sour the rest of the evening.

In the end, I drove into town and left the car in a car park (As opposed to the sea or a skipful of apples). And after another tremndous evening (I wish to thank everyone, especially the birthday girls Faye and Bavs- oh god Tim I sucked your hairy left nipple in a public bar), I nearly drove home, whilst under the influence.

No! Don't worry! I didn't even put key to lock. I was given a slap of good sense to my idiocy and instead were picked up by Bilco's brother Nick, who on reflection is the finest man alive, having come into the city centre at 3am. Very nice car too- thanks mate). But I have lost all respect for taxis now, which is a shame because as with most negative experiences, it is the fault of the few that lays a wider contempt for the lovely many.


Lets have a good time then

So, here's the scene. You're thinking of what to do for a night's entertainment. Should you go to the cinema? Bowling perhaps? Nah, you were never really any good at that. And you've already seen Return of the King 1 time too many. No, what you're going to do is GO OUT, dahn th' pub! That's right!

Ok wonderful. So, this pub thing... What do I do? Well you just walk in, order a drink or buy some nuts, pay for it and sit down. Fine, I can deal with that. Doesn't seem too taxing.
Ah. But it IS a friday night. Did I forget to tell you that? And you're going out in a city, not a scenic country pub covered in ivy (probably inside as well as outside), full of old men who walk and talk and look and smell like wizards and where you can smell delicious home made food just around the corner. Nah. Here in the CITY you get to jostle yourself to and fro owing to the differing forces present when going on a 'night' out. This could depepnd on the type of people you're going out with or simply the sheer volume of people in one particular pub.
Ok, so once you've got the green that had you waiting 10 minutes in a Russian supermarket style queue at the cashpoint, it now time to enter a pub. What's that? The large friendly man at the door said we couldn't go in! Full up he said! But.. it's a... pub... Hey ho, lets move on anyway... Oh hang on, thingummy wants to meet up with was-his-face at the.. at... Can we do that? We were meant to be meeting up with you know who and doo- dah in 10 minutes... Suddenly the nights becomes a crisis meeting, talks need to be settled within the minute or by god there'll be a disaster on our hands. Eventually you make a trade off and see a few people here and a few people there, not really spending the right amount of time with any of them and having to leave to get to the next checkpoint.
4 hours later, you're in a dark place with no money and drink spilt all over that new shirt you got for christmas. Now don't get me wrong, I do love going out. Last night I had a tremendous time with my good mates Tim and Nick. And I'm off out again tonight and I can't wait, its an escape from the dull and dreary. A chance to show your true colours, dance, be someone you aren't usually (Alcohol and intake of aids this phenomenon). It's just.. that.. sometimes you can see this activity from a very negative viewpoint.. Grumbling about how much taxis, entrance fees, drinks and more drinks cost throughout the night. The crowds, the noise, the morons, the twats in checked shirts, the ones out to make trouble, the loud, the proud, the fat, the ugly and sometimes the nice. Moaning about how all the kids are getting younger and younger (Oh hang on, I think that's just me) and how the music there playing is just vacuous, synthetic, over-produced- OOH WAIT I LIKE THIS ONE! HAVE YOU SEEN THE VIDEO TO IT?....


My fucking shoulder

Over the past couple of weeks, I have felt as if a huge wooden splinter has lodged itself in between my right hand shoulder blade. Over last weekend it hurt just to go to bed, but the pain has died down an anwful lot. Even still, the memory of the pain is still there, and I keep getting twinges every now and then.

I believe I am getting on in life, these are a few sneaky peeks into the future for me. Theres no denying it, I'm aging like a fucker.
The other day I knelt down and heard a thousand mini popping sounds as if my knees had a tiny popcorn factory inside them .

Now that would be a sweet thing to have...

I watched A.I. last night with my housemate Gus. Hmm, I thought visually it was brilliant, Spielberg really did a good job in interpreting Kubrick's vision.. But I also thought there was too much schmaltz running toward the end of the film. Ok so we understood that it was Pinoochio 2170 AD, but we really didn't need the "I love you mommy" thing being blasted at us. Alright, so its probably more of a family film, plus I'm reviewing this film, like, 3 years late. Ah well.

Can't beat Tron gadmit.


..."!"... (static)... *CRACKLE*.... *CRACKLE*... "Hello? Are we on? Are we live now?"

Oh thank god *crackle*, thank the lord, thank Allah, thank you Buddha, thank you Lionel Blair, cheers to everyone else I can think of. Well, I've finally done it, made meself a little ickle site to voice my opinion, my point of view, my hopes, fears and absent minded observations of the world.

I've been meaning to set up this site for a while now. .but have been putting it off, on, off, on, off - ah fuck it, I've been a wimsie flimsie watchmacallit. The problem was, I was always undecicive. But now, ..I just don't know.

Believe me, theres worse jokes than that in my repertoire..In fact I'll stop right there. Anyhow, hope you're liking this so far, I've got a lot to say, but for the time being I'll call it 24 hours and retire.

I'm just off to figure out how this friggin' thing all works, so I may be some time. I'll figure it out. So long from the first of many.

*crackle*... (static fades out)